Feeling the Burn
It used to be that I wanted to lose weight to look good. But now, it’s time to get back on the treadmill and lose weight for my health. Urgh, dad’s side is riddled with all kinds of diseases and illnesses and his blood runs strong in mine. Yeah of course, not only do I get a higher chance of getting diseases but I also get my mom’s love for savoury foods. Oh, the irony.
Honestly, if I could stay my size forever without the health consequences, then by all means. My fat rolls have become a constant source of security for me<3
I actually started to feel more secure with myself when I gained more weight. I was a lot more obsessed with my figure when I was skinnier back in 12th grade. Looking back at my high school photos, I won’t lie. I was pretty decent looking, but it also reminded me of what I subjected my body to in order to maintain that look. It was depressing and I hated myself.
Anyways, four years and 40 lbs later, sitting at 200 lbs is probably the most comfortable I’ve ever felt. That is, until people start commenting about my weight gain and how I used to look “fit” back in the days.
Goodbye self-esteem, hello major bouts of insecurity.
Curvy, Big-Boned, Overweight, Chubby, Fat, I’ve heard it all…
People think that just because some of us are heavier than the “norm,” that means we’re miserable blobs. I think it’s safe to say that many of us heavier folk are fine having extra pounds on our body frame. I can’t tell you how happy I was to eat whatever I wanted and finally be comfortable with my body.
Sure, I’d still have my bad days but overall, I became happier with myself. It also helped that I became close friends with people who were more than happy to indulge on food and don’t mind being a couch potato sometimes. Okay, all the time.
However, it was a nice change from feeling like you’re judged on how many chicken wings you can put away in one sitting. Can’t say I hold the world record for how many chicken wings I can inhale in a sitting but I’m actually proud of my undying love for it.
Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against healthier folk who are more conscious about what they eat. What bothers me is when people get all judgmental about each others’ lifestyles.
The non-healthy people will be all, “Yeah! Screw healthy living and those types of people! Why live like that when you can indulge happily?!” and the healthy people will be all, “Gross. What are you people doing to your bodies? You’re absolutely disgusting.”
All this animosity towards each other is the reason why the pressure to be perfect exists in the first place. I doubt it’ll ever end but it’d be nice if we were kinder to each other and just learn to coexist with each other.
My goals are as follow:
- Be able to run without heavily heaving. I want to start hiking more often as this was the best way I lost weight back in 2009. I ate so much that summer but a lot of walking and hiking actually helped me lose more weight without me realizing it. I was actually surprised to see that I had lost weight hehe.
- Shed 40-50 lbs the healthier way. However long this takes is irrelevant, but here’s hoping I can shed the weight gradually over the next year or so.
- Maintain curves! That probably won’t be such a big problem because no matter what age and weight I was, I always had wide hips and a big bum. Thanks to my Lola and Great Lola for that!
- Use healthier means of losing weight, which means I won’t be subjecting myself to excessive exercising or cutting out meals.
- Provide updates every four months on my progress. I hate the pressure to lose weight and I say that slow & steady wins the race. In 2013, I lost almost 30 lbs in 2 months through extreme measures and I was not happy with the way I did it. So this time around, I’ll be a lot nicer to myself because I deserve it.
- Come out of this weight loss journey physically and mentally stronger!
- Finally buy that vintage-y rose-printed bikini I’ve had my eye on for years.